Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The dead are not as safe as they seem. Read about the difference between felonies and misdemeanors as they relate to "desecration."

Mondays are always good because Raskolnikov is home and we get a chance to talk before he goes to class and I start work.

While Rodya and I discussed the new credit card rules, loan sharks, and pizza dough; the topic of legal punishment for necrophilia arose.

After some very casual inquiries into the subject we have determined:

The following states have had enough corpse defiling problems to pass laws about the issue:

  • Alabama—Class C felony under 13A-11-13
  • Arkansas—Class D felony under 5-60-101
  • Arizona—Class 4 felony under 32-1364
  • California—Felony under Health and Safety Code 7052, up to eight years in prison
  • Florida—Second degree felony under chapter 872.06
  • Georgia—Felony, up to 10 years in prison under 16-6-7
  • Iowa—Class D felony under 709.18
  • Minnesota and Nevada also have laws prohibiting necrophilia
    —Nevada Class A felony with a maximum penalty of life in prison with the possibility of parole under NRS 201.450
  • Oregon—Felony for "Abuse of Corpse" ORS 166.085
  • Washington—Class C felony for "Sexually violating human remains" RCW 9A.44.105
  • Wisconsin—Class G felony under 940.225

Now, those are all the states in which corpse defilement is a felony. There are also those states where getting your creep on is only a misdemeanor.

For those of you who don't recall US civ class, a misdemeanor is any crime punishable by less than a year in jail or a fine of less than a thousand dollars. At least, that's a base standard. The actual punishment for having sex with a a dead body, where it varies, is listed below each of these states.

  • Alaska—Class A misdemeanor under 11-61-130
  • Colorado—Class 2 misdemeanor under 18-13-101—minimum penalty - 3 months / 250 dollar fine or both
    —maximum penalty - 1 year / 1,000 dollar fine or both
  • Connecticut—Class A misdemeanor under 53a-73a
  • Delaware—Class A misdemeanor under 11-5-1332
  • Hawaii—Misdemeanor
  • Ohio—Second degree misdemeanor, fifth degree felony under 2927.01
    —A misdemeanor of the second degree carries a maximum fine of $750 or not more than 90 days in jail.
    Fifth Degree Felony—six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, or twelve months in jail.$2,500
  • Pennsylvania—Second degree misdemeanor under Title 18 §5510
    —A crime is a misdemeanor of the second degree if it is so designated in this title or if a person convicted thereof may be sentenced to a term of imprisonment, the maximum of which is not more than two years.
  • Texas—Class A misdemeanor
    —fine of <$4,000
  • Less than one year in jail

All relevant legal information courtesy of Wikipedia on Necrophilia

Some states don't even have laws against necrophilia.

What makes me laugh is that people now have a much clearer idea on how long it will take to pay off their credit card debts than the authorities have on what to do if they find one such credit consumer with their penis inside a dead body.

The important thing to take away from all of this is that gay marriage and free healthcare are tearing apart traditional family values in a country where fucking a corpse is only illegal in 40% of the states.

Sex Mahoney for President

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China
by Tori Amos

Send all complaint letters to sexmahoney@gmail.com.
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